Summer Outdoor Wedding

BLUEman: The Male Perspective

In Arizona, most summer weddings occur indoors. It can just be too hot to have a wedding outdoors. But, some people do still choose to have that outdoor wedding to take advantage of the different surroundings Arizona has to offer.

The good news is June is not as hot as it can be in July and August, plus there are ways to make the weather not as big a role in your wedding.

How are you going to ensure the comfort of your guests?

One of the best ways to do this is to rent a couple evaporative coolers. By simply adding ice, or keeping a constant flow of cold water to the cooler, the fans will generate a nice breeze of cool air to keep your guests feeling comfortable.

Another idea is to find a ceremony setting with plenty of shade. It can often feel 15 degrees cooler in the shade than in the sun.

Some people may even opt to have an early morning wedding, like 9 a.m., followed by a brunch at their reception. The advantage to an early morning, outdoor wedding, is the heat of the day is several hours away.

But if you want your wedding during the evening, you could hold your wedding at 5:30 or 6 p.m. The sunlight is still just right to have that 30 minute ceremony, and then, you and your bride can take advantage of great photo opportunities with the sun setting in the background.

If your wedding is outdoors in the summer, just be sure to take care of your guests with plenty of cold water. At a recent wedding we coordinated, the bride and groom also provided fans for each one of their guests as well. Cold water and fans helped to keep their guest comfortable, and it could work for you as well.

A Mom's Role for the Groom

BLUEman: The Male Perspective

Mother’s Day is a chance to thank your mom for all she has done in your life. Growing up, my mom would often make my lunch before she would shuffle each of my brothers and sisters off to school.

She was always that support factor no matter what trouble I was getting into as well.

But did you know that your mom can play an important role in your own wedding? It’s true.

When you hit the dance floor after your wedding, one of the optional dances is the mother-son dance. This is a chance for your mom to dance with you in the spotlight.

But before that, she is escorted down the aisle at the beginning of your ceremony, most likely just before you make your way to the front. And during the ceremony, your mom, along with the mom of your bride, could get involved by helping to light the candles that you and your bride will use to light the unity candle.

But let’s rewind to way before the wedding day.

You’ve just got engaged. Your mom will cheerfully spread the news with all her family and friends. She should also reach out to the bride’s mom to express her happiness.

When it comes time to put together your invite list, your mom can be there to help you narrow down your choices on your side of the family, you’re A and B list for example. She will most likely have all the addresses you need to ensure the invites get to where they need to go.

When it’s time for the bridal shower, your mom should attend and bring a gift as well.

Once you and your bride are registered, your mom will most likely spread the word to your side of the family so that you get what you asked for.

The two moms will typically consult with one another on their wedding day outfits as well.

Traditionally, the rehearsal dinner is the groom’s responsibility. So your mom will most likely be there to make sure the restaurant of choice delivers on their promise so that you have a great party the night before your wedding.

You can see that your mom can play an important part in your wedding, much like she has all your life. Hopefully, you let her know how much she meant to you, yesterday, on Mother’s Day! But if not, make sure you do so now.

See you next Monday!

The Rehearsal Dinner

BLUEman: The Male Perspective

One of the traditional responsibilities for the groom is the rehearsal dinner. The rehearsal dinner is that meal that takes place after the bridal party has walked through their ceremony procession, which usually takes place the day before the wedding, or two days prior.

Rehearsal dinners can either be just as elaborate as the wedding day, or much more subtle. It all depends on the type of budget you have for this occasion, but it is usually safe to plan for 25 to 35 people depending on the size of your bridal party and family members.

It’s a good rule of thumb to allow the bridal party to bring a guest of their own. And, if you have close family flying in from out of town, like your grandparents, it’s a great idea to include them as well in this occasion.

So what about the venue?

This could be as simple as a great brewery restaurant like Rock Bottom or BJ’s Brewhouse, a nice Southwestern or Mexican restaurant like Jalapeno Inferno, or a more elaborate setting like Maggiano’s Little Italy or Mastro's Oceans Club.

Let’s look at a few options.

Maggiano’s is a great place to do a family style rehearsal dinner. From a wide selection of entrees on the menu, you get to choose two to three appetizers, two to three salads, two to three entrees, two to three pasta dishes, and two to three deserts. There is plenty of food for all to enjoy and with a price range of $29 to $40 per person, it is definitely worth every penny. Plus, if you liked something more than others, you can order as much as your heart desires and the price still remains the same.

Another great place located in North Scottsdale is Jalapeno Inferno. With great margarita tastes like the Creamy Coconut or the Prickly Pear, and flavorful dishes, like The Chimichanga that Ate Nogales, you’re sure to find something for everyone to enjoy. And being in Arizona, this is a great way to treat those out of town family or bridal party members who don’t get to taste the true authentic flavors of the Southwest.

With so many great restaurants to choose from in the Valley of the Sun, you’re sure to find any restaurant to meet your rehearsal dinner needs.

The Groom’s Duties

BLUEman: The Male Perspective

Congratulations man…you’re engaged! Now ask yourself: what's next?

Today, the modern groom doesn’t just sit back and say to his bride to be “Yes, whatever you want” when it comes to the wedding. You do have some responsibilities that fall on you, more than anyone else, including:

• Choose your best man and groomsmen
• Discuss the style of your wedding with your bride to be and make sure you both know the attire you want to have. Do you want the wedding to have a laid-back feel, or do you want it to be formal?
• Transportation – make sure you assist in arranging this for the bride to get to the ceremony, along with everyone else in your wedding party. If your reception is a drive away from the ceremony location, you’ll need transportation to get your entire wedding party there
• Arrange for accommodations, if needed, for out-of-town guests (ex. Room blocks at a specific hotel)
• Gifts – purchase for both your bride to be and for your groomsmen
• Obtain the marriage license – without it, your wedding is not official
• Plan the rehearsal dinner and prepare to make a toast at the rehearsal dinner thanking everyone for coming out to your wedding

Besides the duties specific to the groom, here are ways you can get involved in the planning process of the wedding with your bride to be:

• Determine your wedding budget and make a plan to stick within the budget. What are the most important things in your wedding to consider, i.e. planner, photographer, flowers, DJ, etc.
• Select a date, time and location for your ceremony and reception
• Create your guest list and make sure to not go over the number of guests you plan to have
• Book an officiant or minister for your wedding
• Work with your planner to hire the vendors for your wedding day

One of the things a groom should work on, and not wait to the last minute to do, is plan the honeymoon. Discuss where it is you both want to share your first week or two as a married couple. And make sure to follow our tips to planning your honeymoon. By booking at least six months out, you’re likely to save a lot more money than booking a month or two out.

Until next time, this is the BLUEman, signing off.

MAPPING Out Your Wedding

BLUEman: The Male Perspective

If you’re having a destination wedding, one of the first things to do is to check around the area. But with budgets a little tight these days, the alternative to flying out a couple weekends throughout the planning process is to use technology that is readily available.

I’m talking about Google Maps.

Simple set your browser to http://www.googlemaps.com/ and begin your visit to the far off destination in no time.

Some helpful tips about Google mapping:

1. In the upper left hand corner is the search feature. If you don’t know the exact address of the venue you selected, or if you’re just beginning your search, you can simply enter the city and state (ex: San Francisco, CA) and press Search Maps.
2. If you want to see the landscape around the area or what the buildings look like, make sure to select the Satellite option in the upper right hand corner of the map image.
3. Create a Google account. This will allow you to use the “My Map” feature where you can save maps related to your wedding location, and even a separate map for your honeymoon and the sites you may wish to see.

Once you do the basics as described above, you can click on the little red bulb with an “A” related to any of your searches to then search nearby hotels, restaurants, etc. You name it, Google map will find it.

One of the features I like about Google Maps is the street view. Zoom in as far as you can next to a restaurant or hotel you may have found, and now you are on the street looking at what everything looks like around it. This is the best way to get familiar with the area before even getting there.

One of the best things to do, is after you plotted your rehearsal dinner location, surrounding hotels, nearest airport, etc, you can share this with your wedding guests using the Send feature.

So, whether you chose to have that destination wedding or not, Google Maps is a great way to get familiar with the area before even stepping foot on the ground, or to best prepare an out of town guest for their trip to your wedding destination.

See you back here next week for the next edition of the BLUEman.

One Year Anniversary Gift?

BLUEman: The Male Perspective

Attending a social gathering over the weekend, a really good friend of mine came to me and handed my wife and I an envelope.

In the envelope was a one year anniversary card, as well as a gift card to a nice restaurant.

To say I was surprised would be an understatement.

In the four weddings I took part in as a groomsman (one) or a best man (three), I never thought to send a gift to my buddy after their first year of marriage. I would acknowledge it with nothing more than a call or text saying “Happy Anniversary.”

So am I being rude? Is this kind gesture that my friend and his wife displayed to me something that should be common place?

I would have to say no to both questions. One year anniversary gifts are not to be expected.

But, if you so happen to be one of the latest men to celebrate your first year of marriage and so happen to get a gift from a good friend of yours…by all means accept it with a smile.

After all, that made me realize even more than I have aligned myself with great friends in my life, and we should all be thankful for that.

Tips To Know || Wedding Superstitions

Are you fearful of rain on your wedding day? Does catching the bouquet bring visions of wedding bells to your mind? Many people who have been to a wedding have witnessed rain drenched reception areas and could have potentially caught at least five bouquets with no wedding in sight. In some family superstitions, the girl who catches the bouquet is the next to get married in her family. I first caught my first bouquet when I was 15 but it took many, many years after everyone in my family (so it seemed) married before it was my turn. There are so many tales and some strange things that people say that don’t actually come true – but it may alarm you.




Rain

This is my favorite tale about something that every bride dreads. Months of planning to have drops of precipitation muddy up the aisle, drench the guests, and delay the ceremony in some cases. Some tales say having rain on your wedding day means: that you will have many children, many years of wedded bliss, or shed many tears in your married life.

The Dress

It’s a total no-no for anyone but the bride to wear white on the wedding day. However, some mother’s, mother-in-law’s (think of the movie Monster In Law – funny!) or even guests attend a wedding wearing white. Some tales say: a bride who wears white will be joyful on day, a ripped dress means your marriage ends in death, and making your own dress will bring tears for each stitch sewn.

The Big Toss

Challenging every single guy and girl at your wedding to participate in the bouquet and garter toss becomes more difficult as everyone gets married off. However, the fun still lives in throwing the bouquet and garter. For the garter toss, skill is not needed but attention should be made on how your groom removes the garter from your leg. Some tales say: for every inch a man removes with his teeth is the years of married bliss, the man who catches the garter is the next to be married, and this holds true for the women catching the bouquet.

Superstitions and myths are hard to forget when you’re told about your wedding day. One superstition that most brides hold near and dear to them is about the four “something’s”. You know, something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. This requires you planning to bring one item for each of these things on your wedding day to wear. No matter how great or strange the superstition may be, remember your wedding day is about new beginnings for a life to share with your husband. Don’t get stuck on the tales but live in the moment.

Victory Cigar?

BLUEman: The Male Perspective

The night is winding down on your wedding day festivities. You’ve watched your beautiful bride come down the aisle, you said your vows, and you said “I do.” The reception went off without a hitch. The first dance was just how you both pictured it. And, if you were creative, you followed the lead of TLC’s Rock the Reception. The best man and maid of honor gave their toasts and everyone danced till they could not dance no more.

And then, your father comes up to you, or your father-in-law, and he wants to share in a moment with you by lighting a cigar and kicking one back with him and the rest of the guys. It’s his way of saying “congratulations” and what some guys might call the “Victory Cigar”. So the question is: do you do it?

Here are two things to consider before you light up that cigar:

1. Is the bride to be going to get upset if the groom lights up the cigar? The bride might not want to kiss cigar breath afterward. But you can likely convince her by chewing some gum after the fact.
2. Does your venue allow you to light up inside or outside? Most places in Arizona would not allow that to take place due to current laws in place that prevent restaurants from allowing patrons to smoke inside, but you might be able to outside.

I can honestly say that lighting up that cigar with my dad, brothers and friends near the end of my reception was a great experience for me. I looked forward to my wedding day, and being able to say thank you in the man sort of way to the guys for supporting me every step of the way meant a lot.

Enjoy your wedding my friends, and if you decide to, savor that cigar…

That’s it for now. Be sure to come back next Monday at 3:33 p.m.

OPEN BAR...Sort of

You’ve picked the venue. The band is all lined up. The flowers are set to be delivered. The food you’ve chosen will wow your guests. What’s left to decide other than the obvious: to open bar or not to open bar? That could be one of the biggest questions of all.


In today’s weddings, men are fronting the financial responsibility just as much as women are. The traditional ways of a woman’s family paying for the wedding are less and less apparent. And let’s face it…you need all the money you can hold onto so that your life post-wedding is not off to a rocky financial start.

So how can you save a little dough and still provide a nice experience for your VIPs? As a man, you want an open bar. Let’s be honest with ourselves, when you’re invited to a wedding, one of the very first thoughts to pop into your head as a man is “open bar?” You want to drink, you want to let loose, and will gladly do so if it’s not on your dime. But now you’re the groom. Now you have to step up, right?

There are several options. Other than the obvious to have it open all night, or to a certain time in the night, you could limit the open bar for the cocktail part of your reception, the one-hour post-ceremony, while your wedding party is taking pictures. The only downfall is people will see that open bar window, and take full advantage. Plus, if someone is halfway done with their drink and decides they don’t really like it, they will leave it behind and go pick up something else. That just cost you $8 in leftover alcohol. As my dad always said, no beer gets left behind…but sad to say, people do ignore that idea.

But here is an option that worked, it can help you plan to spend no more than you can afford: Drink Tickets. By creating drink tickets, you can choose to take care of your VIPS (your parents and bridal party members) or everyone at the wedding reception. If you have 17 people in your bridal party, including parents, you can hand each of them three drink tickets good for a beer, well drink or glass of wine. Knowing that is 51 tickets, figure the high side of $8.00 per drink, and you’re sure not to spend more than a little over $400.00. But if you want to take care of everyone, consider handing out two drink tickets to each person. Let’s say you have 100 guests, including your bridal party, then that is 200 drink tickets and you can budget, on the high side, spending no more than $1,600.00 for alcohol. Anything beyond the drink tickets you hand out is a cash bar. So you’re not on the hook.

Whatever you decide, drink tickets are a great way to limit the amount of money you spend on the technically open bar. The great thing is, no matter how many you hand out, you can budget the max amount you will spend out of pocket. Better yet, you’re likely not to see all of the drink tickets turned in, hence, you save money for better things, like the honeymoon!

Stayed tuned for next week's blog on Monday at 3:33 pm.

Wait…we’re getting married this weekend?

Guys, unless you don’t care about sports, make sure to not forget about the big game. Whether it be opening weekend of March Madness, the BCS National Championship, or the Superbowl, make sure you studied up on those future dates to ensure your wedding is free and clear of the big sports weekends.


Marrying the women of my dreams was absolutely no mistake. The mistake was in the date, March 21. We wanted that wedding date to be one year after we had met, it would be romantic. But then, guys start calling me following receiving their invitations asking what gives? I wondered, and then it hit me. This was the opening weekend of the NCAA Final 64 March Madness Tournament. Something I loved going to the sports bar with my dad, brother and friends to watch a keep tabs on who was winning their respective pools, but it was too late, the date was set. If this is the case with you, and it’s locked in with the venue, invitations are out, etc. then stick with the date. You’ll be glad you did. But if you’re still deciding on a date, keep the sports calendar in mind.

But maybe getting married on the big sports weekend will help you remember your anniversary for years to come. My dad got married on the weekend of Rutgers home football game, and he remembers that every time his anniversary approaches, as will I with the opening rounds of March Madness. The cool thing is, my wife actually wants to go to Vegas for one of our future anniversaries to bet on the college action, so I can’t complain too much, now can I.

But during my wedding weekend, we had fun with all the guys watching the games that Thursday and Friday, so it wasn’t a total bust. After all, the games last 40 to 60 minutes, depending on the sport, but your marriage is meant to last a life time, so bet on the latter first and foremost and make your wedding the greatest days of your lives!

Prepped To Go || Financial Preparation

Poised at a pivotal time in the holiday season when our paychecks leave quicker than direct deposit and our days fade faster than a dimming light. With cash flying out of our pockets more than any other time of year, this brings particular concern over finances. Over spending may leave you staring at the dark hole burning through your pocket from the post-recession holiday. Many of us know that money doesn’t grow on trees, but we don’t know how to keep it from popping into the cashier’s hand.

The Storm

For those of you soon-to-be groom’s, thoughts are racing through your mind of when to pop the question. However, your other side of reasoning has you wondering how prepared you are for this love storm called a wedding. It’s can become a hail storm because of the responsibilities, money burning commitments and the flood of emotions that seem to reach everyone in the storm’s grasp. You too will find yourself in the midst of the storm. But, take a moment to breathe, and realize that this is exactly what you have been planning for the last few months, or years, since you laid eyes on your gorgeous beloved. Your wedding day will come in quickly and leave the same, but it’s up to you to make sound financial decisions.

Puzzle Pieces

Most people have come to terms that we are living in hard times – financially speaking. In fact, most brides are spending on average $22,000 for their wedding and reception. This is a considerable drop from previous budgets up nearly $28,000. For most guests, the thrill of the night exists over drinking and dancing the night away to great Bon Jovi and Cupid Shuffle dance moves. Work together with your wedding planner to detail your budget planning and seek guidance from a financial planner for more in-depth realizations. Weddings are one way to drive yourself into debt if you don’t think clearly. Your financial limitations are real but setup a plan one year before your wedding. This helps to ease any panic attacks on large purchases and reduce any buyer’s remorse (or missing something you truly wanted).

Pure Clarity

Being recently engaged or getting married soon should be the happiest time of your life. Consider all of your financial options, and not just those your fiancé (e)’s family support for this crunch. Credit cards are no longer the evil plastic floating in your wallet. Instead, use that special APR credit card offer that you likely received in the mail every week to pay for the deposit on the venue at the great golf club or vintage house you’ve been eyeing for weeks. Write out the list of expenses not only leading up to the wedding, but during and after your wedding. Don’t forget the thank you notes for all your gracious guests. Make a budget based on a percentage to apply to each category, for example: venue, food, and alcohol (50%), planner (8%), flowers and rental items (10%), stationary (1%), DJ (10%), cake (1%), photo and videographer (10%), attire (10%). The list can roll right off the page but use these tips to save your money tree.



Image: Andy Newson / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Prepped To Go || Newly Engaged

It happened – you are ENGAGED! The real question is “now what are you supposed to do?”


You met the person you can imagine sharing the rest of your life with and now you should listen up. Deciding on the next steps will strangely shape how your engagement leading up to your wedding day will be. There’s no joke that weddings are big business. I’m sure you didn’t realize it was “big” on your part of wedding planning.

Calling It

Decide on who you will tell and how to communicate the wedding proposal. For parental consideration, be sure to make a visit, or if they are out-of-state, be sure to call her family first and then his family. In some families, the well-known “asking for her hand in marriage” has already been completed and now the announcement is warmly welcomed. Many newlyweds announce to other friends and family through picture texts (of the gorgeous ring) and the simple words “I said I do”.

Write It Down

Announcing your engagement can be done in a variety of ways. Save-the-Date cards are a nice touch as inserts, magnet or postcards. Many couples still decide to publish their announcement in the newspaper which is now electronic on the web for all to view. You may consider creating your wedding website to document the details of your engagement and update guests on wedding plans.

Planning Time

Take time to review your guest list, bridal party selections, budget concerns, and the ideal way you want to share your wedding day. Be sure to set aside time to decide on the wedding planning tasks and who will be actively involved in the decision-making process. Be prepared for many decisions from everything including wedding colors to designs on your tablecloths. This is the best day of your life so make sure to plan it out. There are no rewind buttons on your wedding day, unless of course, you have it videotaped.



Image: Danilo Rizzuti | FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Prepped to Go || Guest List Bloopers

Make a list and check it twice. Sound a little familiar to a song during the holidays? Many brides ask a common question “do I have to invite ____?” You can fill in the name of that person not on the preferred list. The answer is, you can invite or not invite anyone to your wedding day. However, be ready with some wedding etiquette before you fasten the lock on your guest list. You have many options when it comes to your wedding day but be mindful of checking everyone’s list so you don’t – blacklist the wrong person on your “nice” list.


Adults Only Please

Consider limiting your guest list to a reception filled with guests not needing the kid table. This could include adding “Adults Only” to your invitation and wedding website. Some family members may not understand the exclusion to their tiny tot but be sure to include all children (this does include the flower girl and ring bearer). Be sure to have that information printed and not hand written to practice proper etiquette (also less harsh).

Additions With Exceptions

Many guests have never attended a wedding or been married. With that in mind, it is better to provide the RSVP or response cards with acceptable wording to prevent any guest count mis-steps. Be sure to use correct wording on the response card that prevents adding more guests than expected. You may end up inviting two guests but the response card reads “# of guests: 6”. Check that your inner and outer envelope name imprints list only the names requested to your event.

Plated To Serve

Eating may not be on your mind during your wedding but it will be for your guests. Be sure to work with a professional caterer who is aware the length of your wedding and how many guests will be present. Depending on the ages of guests, food selected, and timing of food, this will help you determine if additional courses are needed. Be sure to always consider guests with food restrictions and notify your caterer for menu selections. Fed guests are happy guests. Weddings are never fun when unexpected guests arrive and the caterer has not planned for overage. Actively monitor your guests list and always round up if uncertain guests decide to make an appearance.

Vendor Insights || Guest Mingling

Larry James, Guest Author

Often at the reception there will be many people who do not know each other very well. Waiting for the reception to officially begin, the food to be served, etc., can be awkward.

To help get the party started and help your guests to get better aquainted, place cards at each place setting that say things like, “Ask someone you don’t know to dance,” “Give someone you know a hug,” “Make a song request to the DJ,” “Offer to buy someone a drink,” “Introduce yourself to someone you don’t know,” etc. If there are 10 to a table, you only need 10 different cards for each table.

Place cards are a good idea, especially if you have dateless friends and relatives. Even the most socially gifted guests will have high-school cafeteria flashbacks when forced to sit down with a bunch of strangers. Having “assigned seats” is not restrictive. It’s smart and considerate – and will make conversation mingling (and matchmaking) so much easier.

If the idea of assigning numbered tables at the reception seems impersonal, give the tables names relating to love. Arrange in alphabetical order to assure that there is still a navigable organization so the guests can find their seats.

Here are a few words of love to consider: Happiness, Serenity, Bliss, Joyful, Amour, Adoration, Tranquility, Harmony, Delight, Heavenly, Enchantment, Cherish, Lovely, Memories, Inspiration, Romance, Forever, Eternity, Unity, Pleasure, Charm, Believe, Dreams, Fortune, Passion, Genuine, Priceless, and Desire. A thesaurus comes in handy when trying to elaborate on your list!

You might consider including wedding pictures of both of the parents on the tables. Add some text to the pictures for the benefit of those who do not know the parents.

Copyright 2009 - Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry's Wedding Website. Larry James is a non-denominational minister and performs the most "Romantic" wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Call to check availabilty: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. You will find more than 430 pages of Wedding ideas, tips. Check out Larry- http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com/tips.html http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com/

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